I make the beats.

I will think of you no more.
Never again will I imagine your touch.
No more will I  press my lips to yours in a fevered dream.
I won’t see your eyes each time I close mine.
I will quiet the voice that sings in all my cells.
Stop clinging to me like a shadow.
Don’t surround me like the sun.
If thoughts of you come calling I will close my door.
And lock it........
........................
.........I wonder what you’re doing today, beautiful one.

(if you're not in the mood to have your tears jerked, save this for another time☺)

Was it because you were always around that I never noticed you?
Was it because home was the center of your life,
that I tried to escape?
A mother can sometimes be a thing, a useful thing,
like a phone, or a lawnmower.
But you were a person, like me.
And I didn’t see it.
I saw the dinners, but not the hands that prepared them.
I saw the car that took me to and fro.
Did it drive itself?

When I was a child I looked right through you.
But I see you clearly today.
I see all the after-school times when you dropped whatever you were doing,
and sat down to hear all about my day.
You were always there.
You asked for nothing; you only wanted the simple joy
of loving me.

And as only a mother knows her child,
you knew that I did not love myself.
You tried to help me the only way you knew how.
By telling me often
that I was beautiful.
I’d like to tell you, Mom, that everything you did was not in vain.
The gifts you left with me
are those I try in my imperfect way
to give to my own child every day.
Thank you.

 
[Isn’t it terrible that I couldn’t find a good photo of my mom on short notice. I’ll try to dig one up.]

luv...helen

I promise from now on not to dwell on the badges, but just to enjoy my friendships and to post things that I, and hopefully you too, will think are interesting.

It was very touching how you all said you liked coconut.

No need to comment AGAIN, just wanted to say “thanks.”

luv...helen...xo

Edit: since i am over my sulk, i almost feel like deleting this entry, but then i would lose the kind words of my friends.  so i will leave it up to remind myself of the awesome people i am proud to call my friends. ♥

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My friend Vanessa just got her well-deserved OG badge. ♥♥

Over the past 8 months I’ve been here, I’ve watched people get badges of all shapes and colors. But this one hit me hard because we “came up” together. I know it “doesn’t mean anything,” but still I feel like that one chocolate that’s left in the box after all the others have been eaten: the Coconut one.

Darn, I didn’t get a chance to post my photo of the baby birds in the nest, my ode to Mom or the rest of my Bamboozle pics.

One last thing: I love my FRIENDS. (and I don’t need quotation marks around it.)

luv...helen