I make the beats.

     I saw a music video the other day, and in it two girls were having a catfight (you know, with the hair-pulling, the slapping, the knocking down), and it occurred to me that I have never, ever been in a catfight.  I mentally scanned my life, and up popped all the opportunities I missed for a good ol’ fashioned catfight....

Kindergarten:
     I am blissfully fingerpainting, when that little b*tch Jane says over my shoulder,  “That looks like something my baby brother painted.”
     “Let’s just take a look at yours, shall we?  Hmm, yours looks like something that came out of the wrong end of my cat yesterday.”
     “Oh yeah?”
     “Yeah!”
     She knocks me down on the floor and brandishes a Barbie over my head. I jump up nimbly, grab her ponytail and drag her over to the piano (normally used for playing “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes"), planning to smash the cover down on her fingers.  The teacher steps in and sends us each to separate corners for a “time out.”

Thanksgiving at Grandma’s house:
     Great Aunt Louise and I have both contributed an apple pie to the dessert table. We each try the other’s pie.
      I say, “What do you think of my pie?”
     Aunt Louise says, “One tablespoon of cinnamon is a bit much, don’t you think? What about mine?”
     I say,  “Oh, it’s fine,  if you don’t like your piecrust flaky.”
     “Oh yeah?”
     “Yeah!”
     She picks up my pie, and hesitating, takes careful aim. I taunt her by chanting, ”Louise can’t make a flaky crust, Louise can’t make a flaky crust...” She heaves the pie at my head. With cat-like reflexes, I duck. The pie lands in Uncle Joe’s lap. He has fallen asleep watching the football game. He is awake now.
     Grandma sends us both to the kitchen to scour the roasting pans.

 Three or four years ago:
      I am at the playground reading a book while my son plays. Suddenly a shadow looms over me. I look up. Another mother stands over me looking decidedly unfriendly.
     “Is that your son?” she asks, pointing to the angelic child digging in the sandbox.
     “Yes.”
     “Well, my son says your son called him a baby ‘cuz he wouldn’t go down the slide.” she continues.
      I give the slide the once-over and say, “Yup. I think that’s probably fairly accurate, seeing as the slide is shorter than your son.”
     “Oh yeah?”
     “Yeah!”
     “Well, now this is gonna happen.” She snatches the book from my hand, scurries over to the sandbox and starts shoveling like mad—to bury the book, I guess.
     Bad idea. Her upturned butt makes an excellent target. I give her a swift kick to the rear, and down she goes, face first in the sand.

     Okay, I’ve read that over, and despite the fact that it was meant to be a humorous piece, it thoroughly disgusted me. I think it’s safe to say that I’ll go through the rest of my life catfight-free. I’m that nonviolent. I’m like Gandhi with better teeth.
     The only time I can see myself striking back is if someone were to harm my son. Then I would turn into a fierce lioness.
     No worries coming to my page either. I don’t think I could even summon up a cyber catfight!

Meow! Scratch that.  Mew.

    

 

 

 

If I didn’t have a kid and he didn’t watch Cartoon Network, I never would have found out about this. 

FALL OUT BOY IS GOING TO BE ON CARTOON NETWORK TOMORROW NIGHT,   JANUARY 11, 2008 !!

“Mom, mom, come look at this!” Shane yelled. Sure enough, I looked, and there was a commercial advertising the fact that FOB will be hanging out with the kids who host  “Fried Dynamite,”  the Friday night show on Cartoon Network.  (In the commercial it showed Patrick playing the bongo drums, so it looks like we can expect some awesomeness.)

THE SHOW STARTS AT 7 PM.

I hope everyone will be able to catch it!!

 

My son was the guinea pig for this, and it worked out great. Just think how funny you could make it turn out! 
If you are doing this Mad Lib by yourself, don’t look at the story until you have filled in all the blanks on top with the correct parts of speech. Then take those words and place them into the story. Finally, read out loud and giggle.

 1) noun____________ 2)noun______________3)verb______________

 
4)place______________5)noun_____________6)past tense verb_______________

 7)adjective______________ 8)past tense verb____________9)adjective___________

 
10)place______________ 11)adjective______________12)plural noun____________

 
13)adjective______________ 14)adjective_____________ 15)verb____________

 
16)noun_____________ 17)adjective______________ 18)noun______________

 
19)verb____________ 20)noun______________ 21)verb_____________

 
22)verb_____________ 23)any word_______________ 24)noun______________

 
25)noun______________ 26)adjective_______________

The night Pete wore his _______________ and made mischief of one kind and another,
                                     1) noun

his mother called him ________________ and Pete said “I’ll _____________ you up!"
                                  2) noun                                                   3)verb

So he was sent to ____________ without eating anything.  That very night in Pete’s room a
                             4) place

 ______________ grew until his ceiling ____________ with vines and an ocean
5) noun                                                 6) verb past tense                          

 

tumbled by with a _____________ boat for Pete and he _____________ off through
                               7) adjective                                      8) verb past tense

 
night and day and almost a year to where the _________________ things are. And when
                                                                          9) adjective

 he came to the_____________ where the wild things are they roared their
                        10) place

_____________roars and gnashed their terrible ______________ and showed their terrible
11)adjective                                                     12) plural noun

 

claws.  Until Pete said “Be ____________!” and they were all ____________
                                          13)adjective                                       14) adjective                         

and called him the most wild thing of all and made him king. “And now,” said Pete, “let

the wild rumpus ____________.”
                          15) verb

                  

 “Now stop!” Pete said and sent the wild things off to bed without their ___________.
                                                                                                                16) noun

 And Pete the king of all wild things was ____________ and wanted to be where
                                                               17) adjective

 _______________ loved him best of all. Then from far away he smelled good
18) noun

things to ____________ so he gave up being ______________ of where the wild
               19) verb                                            20) noun

things are. But the wild things cried, “Oh please don’t ____________. We’ll eat
                                                                                        21) verb

 you up, we ______________ you so!”  And Pete said, “_____________!”  Pete
                   22) verb                                                          23) any word

 
stepped into his private ___________ and sailed back over a year
                                     24) noun               

 and into the night of his very own room where he found his _____________
                                                                                                 25) noun

 waiting for him and it was still _______________.
                                                 26) adjective

the end.

If you do this, let me know how it turned out or send me a link. Good Luck! :D

 
This was adapted from “Where the Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak
I hope he won’t mind. It’s just for fun.  : )