I make the beats.

I saw my sister-in-law from Arizona at thanksgiving and, among other things we got to talking about tattoos. (Neither of us has any.)  She mentioned that her kid’s teacher has a tattoo on her ankle and always has to wear either pants or black pantyhose to school to cover it up. And of course we all know that person who has the Regret Tatt that they got in the “folly of youth” and now would give their right eye to be rid of. We decided that the rules of tattoo-getting should state that you are not allowed get a tattoo ‘til you are at least 30. My son Shane chirps into the conversation at this point and says, “I wanna get a tattoo of a shark eating a bear!” (Which is why we don’t let 9-year-olds get tattoos.)

Well, I don’t know if my sister-in-law has been convinced, but I think the time has come for me to get a tattoo. My husband starts “tsking” when I tell him. “Those aren’t good for you. You realize they inject ink under your skin.”  Eh. James Hetfield has tattoos, and he’s as strong as an ox.

The decision over which body part to tattoo  must be weighed carefully. Our bodies are changing, and we must visualize what will become of this tattoo in about 15 years. Let’s say I got a snake on my bicep. That bicep will eventually sag, and what will become of the snake? Y’know that cobra Kaa in Disney’s Jungle Book? How pieces of him sort of draped down off the branches of the tree? Yeah, a saggy snake.

On the other hand, a strategically-placed  tattoo can also be an effective cover-up. Take that spider vein that’s beginning to form on my calf. A big hairy tarantula tattoo might be just the thing to disguise this insidious beauty flaw.

Hmm, I’m considering my back. My back is one of the only places on my body that hasn’t changed and hopefully won’t. Yes, I think this is where my first tattoo is going. And I think I’ve decided on getting a pair of those big, huge angel wings.

Does it hurt very much?  Maybe I’ll just get a very small butterfly.

                                                                    

I don’t like to brag about my son, but sometimes he does something I think is really special.  Last week I got this hare-brained (or is it hair-brained?) idea to take a swing dance class at the Westchester Ballroom. Since it would have taken a cattle prod to get my husband to go, I talked my son into it. We walk in the door, the hostess raises her eyebrows at this kid who enters, but is fine with him taking the lesson. The hostess takes a survey of those who are here for the lesson. Predictably, there are more females than males. Somehow or other I find myself sitting on the sidelines while my son is drafted to partner the ladies.  Shane is paired with a woman twice his height.  A man who is dressed like Marcel Marceau, but without the pancake makeup, organizes all the partners into a “big circle” and begins teaching the first step. That goes alright. Then all the ladies are supposed to move one partner over so everyone will get a chance to dance with everyone else.  While Mr. Marceau is yakking, I sneak up to Shane and say, “We don’t have to do this. We can go get ice cream.” He shrugs. His partner is counting on him. Well, the night wears on. Lady after lady (only two I can see are under 40) gets paired with Shane. Tall, short, wide, narrow, graceful, klutsy, he gamely squires them all. (oh, how I wish I had my camera!) If you could have only seen him “yo-yoing” (twirling) the ladies in and out like a mini Fred Astaire!

At last, the whole dance has been “learned” and it’s time to go. Shane gets a root beer for his hard work and many a high-five from me. I congratulate him, and he says, “Yeah, and it wasn’t easy either. Those ladies weren’t exactly Ryland Blackinton.”  I wonder what Cobra Starship’s tall, thin guitarist has to do with any of this.   Shane says, “Well, I mean, they weren’t exactly skinny. I could barely get my arm around some of them!!"

LOL!

So Jennie Garth takes the floor to dance the tango on Dancing with the Stars tonight, and I immediately recognize the familiar guitar strains of  "The Take Over, the Break's Over." Why does that upset me a little? I guess I don't like my bands to be so mainstream.

If I tune in next week and Marie Osmond is doing the mambo to "Miss Murder," I think I might heave...

Dear Pete,

Well!  Fall Out Boy is no longer the band we keep in our “back pocket” (I just saw you at Madison Square Garden for heaven’s sake), and you are no longer the boy who sleeps in the back of the flower van. You are practically a household name! 

You have been called everything from “fake” to “poser” to “tabloid fodder” to “wannabe” to “international a**hole.”  But I don’t believe it. I think inside you are still the boy who wrote lyrics like, “My heart is on my sleeve. Wear it like a bruise or black eye. My badge, my witness.”  So before it’s too late, I have a few things I would like to say to you.

1. Keep the poet in you alive!  (Poetry is what separates us from the animals.)
2. Continue trying to do good for others.
3.  Pay no attention to sordid and/or inane gossip.
4. If you still go home for the holidays, keep this in mind:  Don’t do anything that would make you ashamed to look your mom in the face as she passes you the pumpkin pie.

I guess that’s about it.  Thank you for everything and see you on the next tour. : )

Love...helen

If it’s Sunday, I must be serious.  Here’s a li’l poem...

 

You have made a home inside me.

You have taken hay from the field
     and made a nest.

You have found the empty cave
     and taken shelter.

You have stacked the bricks
     high and strong.

I knock at the door.
may I come in?

*many thanks to my friend kassady for the photo*

1. Patrick singing and skipping around the stage with GCH on "Clothes Off"
2. Acoustic version of "Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner" with Andy playing the tambourine, dressed only in a pair of shorts (barefoot even)
3. Pete taking his shirt off at the end and throwing it to a fan while getting covered with confetti.
4. Calling my friend Sue (crash13) so she could listen to HER BOY sing "Afterlife of the Party" and "Golden"


(me holding the phone so Sue can hear the show)



::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
low point was having to pay $4.25 for a small bottle of water and MSG wouldn't even let you keep the cap!

This is the OPPOSITE of my unlikely rock stars list.  I can see these guys being born playing the guitar, and in some cases, smoking a cigarette!


Marilyn Manson
What else could he be? A stockbroker?



Slash
Slash’s mom after giving birth: “The hat was in there too?!”



Davey Havok - AFI
Born screaming. ‘Nuff said.



Keith Richards- The Rolling Stones
He came into the world wrinkled, and he’ll go out wrinkled!



Jimi Hendrix
I think he could play the guitar with his teeth by the age of 6!



Joan Jett
Whether it was a Battle of the Bands or a fistfight, Joanie could always lick the boys.




Prince
Probably did pole dances around the tether ball pole on the playground. (please don't sue me, Your Purpleness.)



James Hetfield - Metallica
Well, just look at him!



Jim Morrison - The Doors
All his elementary school teachers had crushes on him.



Ozzy Osbourne
Ozzy’s mom serves up chicken for dinner.  Li’l Ozzy sez, “Aw,  Mom, I like it better with the feathers on!!”

Ok, I admit my ignorance. Can someone clear this up?  Am I a fangirl just because I'm a fan and also a girl?  Or is there more to it than that?  tx...
xo

My first, but not last, "LIST"


1. Elvis Costello--the original nerd. 
Danced like a dweeb, sported the Buddy Holly glasses. (Actually, in England they're called "National Health" glasses.)



2. Frank Black--Pixies/solo
Is chubby a charitable way to describe him?  Also, had very little hair left  before he was out of his twenties.



3. Flea--Red Hot Chili Peppers 
Doesn't this guy remind you of Gollum from Lord of the Rings?



4. Lemmy Kilmister--Motorhead
I don't think I will get too much hate mail if I call him very, very ugly. What IS that thing on his cheek?



5. Mama Cass--Mamas & the Papas
She was a plus-sized woman in an era when minus-sized women like Twiggy were the ideal.  Lovely voice, though.



6. Meatloaf
If being sexy is a pre-requisite for being a rock star, this large and usually sweaty man doesn't fit the bill.



7. Moby
Here's a guy who looks more like he belongs behind the desk at the bank than behind the turntable at the club.



8. Joey Ramone
God skipped over him when it came to the looks department. All the same, we love you Joey, RIP.



9. Patti Smith
This woman had more hair under her armpits than on her head!  Could Beyonce get away with that?



10. Patrick Stump
Lovable, teddy-bearish, nerdy and proud of it.

(p.s. I hope you're not mad, I love Patrick.)

Hi everyone,
I was invited to join the cancer support group awhile ago, and this is the contribution I figured out how to make.
My mom died of colon cancer a number of years ago. The cancer wasn't discovered until it had moved into her liver, and by then it was too late to do much about it. If only my mom had had a colonoscopy when she turned 50, she might still be alive today.  If caught early, colon cancer is one of the most treatable cancers. So, what I'm trying to say is, if anyone in your family has had colon cancer, I would encourage you to talk to your doctor about getting a colonoscopy.  I have already had  one; it is virtually painless. And of course there is nothing better than being told you have a "clean
colon" ! Okay, actually, there are SOME things that are better, but it is a good feeling, nonetheless!!
(please feel free to contact me if you want to talk about this test, or if you want to talk about anything.  i would love to help if i can.)

                                           

I was talking about Halloween with my brother the other night. He told me his 3-year old son had dressed as Naruto. No, the kid did not know who Naruto was. He was under the impression that he was wearing an orange power rangers costume. I said half kiddingly that his son would have to go into therapy when he grew up over being misled about his Halloween costume.

My brother, Pete, said if anyone needed therapy about Halloween, it was him. He says when he was in 3d grade my mom made him a vampire bat costume.  I said, “What’s wrong with that? Vampires are cool.”  No, it wasn’t a vampire, it was a bat. Therefore, tights and a leotard were involved. The school we attended went up to 8^th grade, and on Halloween all the younger kids had to parade through all the classrooms.  When he got to the “big” kids, 7^th and 8^th graders, they teased him mercilessly about his “girly” getup. He told my parents he would not go trick-or-treating in our town in case he ran into anyone he knew. That was the only Halloween we went across the river to Poughkeepsie to trick-or-treat.

Then my sister gets on the trauma bandwagon.  (I guess I’m the only sibling not to be traumatized by Halloween.)  One year, my sister went to school on Halloween, and the time rolled around for the parade.  Apparently, my mother had forgotten to pack my sister’s costume! So the teachers cast around for something for this poor, neglected kid to wear. The only thing they could come up with was a box!!

I can’t decide who was traumatized more: Batboy or Boxgirl...

If you have any kind of interesting Halloween anecdote, traumatic or otherwise, please leave it in the comments.  : )

a message for me has come in from seb, inviting me to join BE BIG ON BUZZNET.
BUT i can't find out what the heck it is until i join!!
so i join.
i get here and after a few minutes of poking around, it seems like they're looking for the next "flavor of the month". well, if that's what the deal is, i have no chance. after all my hair color is just plain brown! : )
anyway, bottom line is, when you are invited to join a group, i think it would be helpful if the idea behind the group was explained BEFORE you joined it.
do you agree?

                                               
TAI, Cobra Starship and Friends at the Chance

                                             

(see also videos and photos I posted)

The Academy is... headlined a show, which also featured Cobra Starship,  Sherwood, Armor for Sleep and  The Rocket Summer. First to take the stage was Cobra Starship. Gabe showed off his white hot moves, wearing the ubiquitous purple hoodie (and I sure hope he has more than one of them.)  They  played Bring It (Snakes on a Plane), Hey Mr. DJ, Church of Hot Addiction and two songs from the new album:  Guilty Pleasure and The City Is at War.  That set was over much too quickly; would have loved to see and hear more of Gabe.

The next three bands I knew nothing of. Sherwood and Armor for Sleep were, for me, nothing to write home about (apologies to their fans), although it seemed like a lot of the audience were singing along with the Armor for Sleep songs. Bryce Avery from The Rocket Summer very much impressed me. He sang, played guitar and  keyboards and even took over the drums on one song. He had oodles of charisma, tossed his blonde locks around like a conditioner commercial, danced and sang some very catchy tunes. Keep your eye on this kid.

Finally, on came The Academy Is... and they did not disappoint. They did a whole slew of songs from both “Almost Here” and “Santi.”  Attention, Checkmarks, Down and Out, Classifieds, Black Mamba, Neighbors,  We’ve Got a Big Mess, LAX to O’Hare, Bulls in Brooklyn, Sleeping with Giants,  Same Blood, Everything We Had, ending with Almost Here.  (I know I’m leaving some songs out.) If you were wondering whether William Beckett sounds as good live as he does on the cd, the answer is yes. He has a great voice. (please see the video for proof)

Chislett played a mean guitar; the Butcher drummed up a storm, harmonized with Bill and said a few nonsensical things; Carden chatted up the audience; Sisky didn’t utter a peep except when he did the rap for Bring It.

Gabe joined William for Classifieds, so that was a treat. For the rest of the TAI set, Gabe stood in the back of the stage singing along and throwing the occasional drumstick at the audience. 

Afterwards, my son got to meet and take pics with Gabe and Ryland. They were both VERY sweet. Gabe: “Hey buddy, you know how to do fangs up?”  Ryland gave guitar-buying advice (Stratocaster).

All in all, I would give the evening 4 stars, maybe 4 and a quarter, taking away from 5 for having to endure the bands I didn’t know and Cobra Starship’s set being so short.

See ya next time!